Mum guilt is something we ALL go through!!!
Something that ponders on my mind a lot is if I was older and more together would it have benefited Ava more? What if I was able to have our own home, have a secure relationship so Ava would grow up knowing I could give her everything she needed. Don’t get me wrong, I’m very lucky in the fact my parents help me out a lot, but I feel guilty in the fact that I should be providing for her and buying her the things she needs. What if I had the time to have decent savings and basically just have my life more together but then no matter your situation is no-one’s life is perfect. I’m not saying you must own a house, be in a stable relationship etc but that is what I had in my head because of what I’ve seen on social media and I thought this what life should be like. I can tell you its not… I’ve been trying to save for a long time yet at my age, getting a mortgage seems impossible! How is anyone able to save for a mortgage if you are paying out on rent and bills etc.
People do put out their happy bits and I am one of those as my private Instagram is filled with the pictures I want people to see. Not the child covered in poo, the tantrums, the mess etc… Hence the aim of this blog being some sort of release and to show my life isn’t full of happy, smiley pictures.
I have mum guilt over the fact Ava wasn’t brought into an environment that was considered ‘normal’. I wasn’t with her dad at the time but I convinced myself that I had to make things work to benefit her as I wanted her to grow up knowing mummy and daddy are together, but my life took a different path. Yes, we may be trying to sort things out now, but it’s been a rollercoaster and I have mum guilt of not being able to give her more but what is it I am trying to give her? What are mine or other expectations? I battle with this all the time.
I live at home with my family and she is loved by us all …. and spoiled!!
Then I have mum guilt over what Ava must eat but she is brilliant one day and a nightmare the next. On some days if I can get her to eat 3 yogurts, then It’s an achievement in my eyes otherwise it’s a fight trying to get her to eat anything and I just end up with food on me or angry. Obviously, I do encourage a healthy diet and I try to get as much fruit and veg into her as I can but then if she won’t eat anything but is banging on about having chocolate on toast because Aunty Deedee is eating some.… guess who wins! I feel like I should be persevering and If I’m not then I’m a bad mum and when you see comments made from others about how you should be feeding your child makes it even worse. AND she can open the fridge now!
We all feel guilty when our children are hurt because we just want to take the pain away, wrap them up bubble wrap and keep them protected forever but they need independence and we can’t watch their every move all the time… especially at this toddler phase when anything can happen in about 2 seconds of turning your back!!!
Whilst I was pregnant, I said I would not be that mum whose kids watch tele when sat in a restaurant etc…. guess who became that mum? I was very quick to judge and I’m wrong for that but now I see that a child who is eating their food and watching a screen is some what better than a child who is running around, screaming, up and down the chairs and throwing the food everywhere. I’ve tried bringing toys out, I’ve tried the books, I give her all my attention, but this just works. I know it doesn’t teach them any manners and we shouldn’t be doing it, but I know I’m not the only one so to all those lookers and tutters… whatever!!!! But what I can say in my defence is that when I am at home and away from the worry of other people judging I do work on the table manners and we, as a family, like to sit together and socialize. She’s a very polite little girl, she says please/ta and shares her toys so she’s learning something!
Some are far too quick to judge and shame other mummies and daddies too for just trying to do the best they can. We don’t get told what to do when it comes to children, we are all winging it really (or I certainly do !!!). I have had a comment made about me being a young mum and calling me a slut, it really wasn’t nice. Ava’s dad and I have been on and off for nearly 5 years so I’m not sure that comment is justifiable nor needed! But things like this do stick in my brain and I have mum guilt thinking they are right, and I am incapable. Thankfully my family pull me back together and assure me that it is the trolls that have the problem…….
Following on from my PND I did have an overwhelming sense of mum guilt and felt guilty about everything, especially not being a good enough mum to her. Now I’m on the other side I know I am doing the best job I can and its not about how many clothes you can buy or how much you spend on children, its about giving them time/care/attention and love. If they have a smile on their face, food in their belly and a roof over their head then we must be all incredibly lucky, and some are not in this position. Ava is not interested in what I put on her and she would rather play with anything other than her toys, but god forbid if she cannot watch Peter Rabbit or Bing!!!!
Doesn’t matter what age our children are we all suffer with mum guilt, but we are all doing the best job we can so don’t bring others down. I could go on as there are so many things, I feel guilty about but it would take forever to write…
Your stereotypical teen mum x