To follow on from my recent blog post, I thought this is quite relevant for me and did play a massive part in my PND. I have a wedding in Spain in 4 months and I am just in the process of ordering a domino’s pizza… on the right track to losing weight for my dress! I’m flicking between ordering the pizza and writing this because I’m experiencing a definite mental block. I know what I want to say but just can’t seem to write it down so enjoy my words below, but it’s not meant to be perfect and it never will be – sorry!
I cannot stress enough how important it is having friends who either have children of their own or not. I love my friends (before baby) who are the same age as me and do not have children as yet, but I have also met the some lovely new friends in the mum and baby group which continues to grow and I feel so lucky. We have a group chat that we talk to each other about anything, If I’m concerned about the colour of Ava’s poop then I know where to go. The conversations we have are hilarious, so real and we all know if we have a problem about anything who to turn to. We are always there for each other and we help each other out with the babies if needs be. But my friends without babies give me a sense of balance …… babies or not, we all need time out to be us.
There are many reasons why I love my mummy group but I think the main reasons are we never take anything too seriously, we have such a laugh together, I can talk to them about everything and they are always there. I can relate to them about the struggles of motherhood, the change in our bodies, the change in our lives and we never judge and why should we? No matter what age you were when you had a baby, we all have something in common and we are all going through the motherhood journey.
I mentioned earlier that we don’t judge each other. We are never in competition with each other over whose child did what first and blah blah blah. Unfortunately, there are parents who feel like they always need to compete, but I really cannot be bothered for any of that. Every time one of the babies does something new, we are all so proud of them and cheer them on instead of coming back with ‘my baby did that months ago’ etc. Our babies develop at different stages but whatever stage they meet that milestone is individual to that baby and something we need to be proud of rather than judge. I love every baby in our group, they are all so beautiful, so individual and so happy! (obviously every baby is beautiful).
When I first attended a baby group, I had to force myself to go. I was incredibly nervous as I wasn’t sure how these things go having never had a baby before. It was daunting and I must be honest, until I met someone who was similar in age, I found I couldn’t gel with the older mums. I think this was because we were at different stages in our lives. Their lives seemed more together and they were living with their partners etc but here I was ,this young mum who didn’t have anything together and who had a dysfunctional relationship with my daughter’s dad and my life felt very different. Saying that, I have the most incredible family support unit, Ava has never gone without, so I am forever grateful.
Don’t get me wrong, I’ll be friends with any mummy at any age, it doesn’t faze me at all! it’s not like I just gave up after that but I just felt I connected with the younger mummies as we all seemed to have common ground and had an unspoken understanding of each other’s situation.
I also found when I was out and about people would admire Ava and then look at me and say, ‘oh you look young, how old are you?’ and I would respond with my age of 19 and they would instantly reply ‘oh that’s tough’. Yes, it is tough but it’s tough being a mummy at any age! But being patronising to someone who knows they are a very young mum doesn’t help! If you’ve never had a child before, all of us first timers are entering something very overwhelming that none of us have experienced before and none of us have a clue what we are doing so my age didn’t contribute to any of those factors. We don’t get given a handbook that tells you how each day is going to be or how your child is going to be so it’s all about learning everyday and helping each other out.
I have made, I feel, I hope, lifelong friends through becoming a mummy but that doesn’t mean you forget who were there in the beginning. I also have friends who don’t have babies and whose life has taken a different path whether it be university or working full time but when I see them it is refreshing not to talk about poo or anything to do with babies. I tend to catch up with them when Ava is in bed so I can actually focus on having a conversation with them rather than having this child using me as a climbing frame or stuck to me like glue. Yes, I am complaining again (yawn) however I appreciate getting full sentences out rather than pausing to say, ‘yes darling’ after the 50th ‘mama’.
Friendships come and go and in life. you can out grow people and vice versa, it is the way life is but treasure those true friendships!
The picture below is just 4 of the babies but trying to get a picture with all of them is impossible!!! *eye roll*
Your stereotypical teen mum x